Pope Benedict XVI sparked controversy today by making a preposterous comment about the HIV situation in Africa and the role of condoms in solving it. The Pope said that condoms only increase the problem and preached abstinence instead. Anyone can see the blatant falsehood of this statement. However, it would be wrong to accuse the Pope of being ignorant. I'm pretty sure it was a cynical and calculated remark and a deliberate lie.

The Pope has no interest in saving the lives of Africans. What matters to him is the number of people who adhere to Catholicism. It's obvious that abstinence, sexual loyalty and other Catholic "virtues" will help you avoid HIV and other STDs. This is what makes Catholicism a tempting choice for any Africans who want to keep themselves healthy.

Condoms, however, do the job far more efficiently. While they protect people from STDs, they also curb the population growth and allow people to feel sexually emancipated, causing them no guilty conscience for being who they are. For this, condoms are a dangerous rival for Catholicism and other religions. This is why the Pope is opposed to them, not because they "don't work". Whether they save lives or not is irrelevant to the Vatican. Condoms are a direct threat to their religion (and most other religions as well). People who use condoms don't need religion to protect their health.

Do you see where I'm getting with this? Can you appreciate the full awesomeness of condoms yet? Whoever invented them should win posthumously two Nobel prizes, one for medicine and another for peace. Not only do condoms stop STDs from spreading and slow down overpopulation, they also protect humanity from yet another virus; a more stealthy and dangerous virus, one that cannot be seen through the lens of a microscope and which doesn't spread by biological means, but rather by infecting your mind and your thoughts: a virus called Religion. And this is why condoms are awesome. All hail the Condom, the only true saviour of humankind!